After marinating in the memories of the experience of my visit trip to Isabella Faye, I think I am ready now to share.
Meeting Isabella Faye for the first time was the most glorious, amazing, life changing moment. At first I was frozen. I just stood there, stunned. Then sweet Isabella Faye's understanding foster mother gave me a kind smile and a slight nod and I took my baby girl into my arms. I just stood there for a few moments, my eyes transfixed on her. I enhaled her smell, kissed her sweet chubby cheeks...more than once! and whispered "I'm your Mommy!" Oh the emotions! My heart, cold and cynical from months of waiting and worrying melted. My knees went week and I had to sit down! My heart had been aching, oh so aching since we were kicked out of PGN but now it was full! I was overwhelmed with love like I'd never known-peace that couldn't be explained-joy that would rival that of all the angels in Heaven singing praises! My daughter was real! No longer a picture! No longer a DVD-but flesh and blood in my arms.
When I got to the room sweet Isabella Faye, frightened from all the changes, began to cry. I did all the lagistical stuff-changed her diaper, tried to feed her, gave her gas drops...then I called my husband. "Let me talk to her!" He said. So, I put the phone to her ear. So gently he talked to her, telling her how much her Mommy loved her-how much he loved her and so on. While they "talked" I prayed. I prayed that God would let Isabella Faye know how much I loved her. Then, right as I said AMEN, there came a knock at the door. It was my dear new friends and thier precious children come to check on me. Midway through our conversation I realised someone was cooing. I looked around at the other babies, all smiling, not cooing, and then looked down to see my sweet girl, a smile on her face, and drool on her chin! And then she was mine and I was hers and the fun began!
I had the most incredable time playing with my baby girl and visiting with new friends Betsy Stevens and Alex, Lori and Ron Radosta and Rocco, Stacy and Mark Gabbard and Raelynn, Sue and her friend Kathy and so many other wonderful families, a couple from CCI and some from other agencies. I made forever friendships that I am honored to possess and I saw, trully saw, how much Sue loves our children and us.
I amused many Guatemalans with my poor Spanish...okay, the truth is, I have no spanish! And had the oppertunity of being the minority (A valuable lesson for us all.) I grew to know mine and Betsy's toilets a bit better than I'd hoped: ) and say God's "little miracles" every day.
What God taught me in Gautemala:
To not be afraid. I am now free from fear of failure and self doubt! To stop reading so much and worrying about it! Sue can do that for me! :) Seriously though, Sue is keeping up with all of this, and I trust God to equip her for the task! I trust her to keep me informed. To let go. The house doesn't have to always be clean (you should have seen my hotel room.) You don't have to be involved in everything. Sometimes its more important to stop and PLAY! That peace and sadness are possible at the same time and that the peace tempers the sadness. That peace is available if you're willing to accept it.
Call me Pollyanna but while in Guatemala-praying like I never have before (listening more-talking less) God gave me PEACE! Isabella Faye is coming home! I don't know when but I know how-through the power of Jesus Christ!
Don't get me wrong, I am in pain...deep, dark pain-becuase I miss my daughter more than words can say. I think of her every moment. I am greiving her absense...raw, honest, sobs from your belly grieving that she's not home...but I still have JOY dispite all the sadness. I have PEACE in the midst of the tears! My baby girl is real and perfect and loved and she will be home-through the power of our real and soverign Lord.
A little lost in the wonder of it all... joy and sadness, grief and peace.
This visit has changed me. I am not the woman I was before. I am stonger-more couragous! I am the MOTHER to the child of my dreams and I am the DAUGHTER of our perfect Father God...and He has made my family complete!
Meeting Isabella Faye for the first time was the most glorious, amazing, life changing moment. At first I was frozen. I just stood there, stunned. Then sweet Isabella Faye's understanding foster mother gave me a kind smile and a slight nod and I took my baby girl into my arms. I just stood there for a few moments, my eyes transfixed on her. I enhaled her smell, kissed her sweet chubby cheeks...more than once! and whispered "I'm your Mommy!" Oh the emotions! My heart, cold and cynical from months of waiting and worrying melted. My knees went week and I had to sit down! My heart had been aching, oh so aching since we were kicked out of PGN but now it was full! I was overwhelmed with love like I'd never known-peace that couldn't be explained-joy that would rival that of all the angels in Heaven singing praises! My daughter was real! No longer a picture! No longer a DVD-but flesh and blood in my arms.
When I got to the room sweet Isabella Faye, frightened from all the changes, began to cry. I did all the lagistical stuff-changed her diaper, tried to feed her, gave her gas drops...then I called my husband. "Let me talk to her!" He said. So, I put the phone to her ear. So gently he talked to her, telling her how much her Mommy loved her-how much he loved her and so on. While they "talked" I prayed. I prayed that God would let Isabella Faye know how much I loved her. Then, right as I said AMEN, there came a knock at the door. It was my dear new friends and thier precious children come to check on me. Midway through our conversation I realised someone was cooing. I looked around at the other babies, all smiling, not cooing, and then looked down to see my sweet girl, a smile on her face, and drool on her chin! And then she was mine and I was hers and the fun began!
I had the most incredable time playing with my baby girl and visiting with new friends Betsy Stevens and Alex, Lori and Ron Radosta and Rocco, Stacy and Mark Gabbard and Raelynn, Sue and her friend Kathy and so many other wonderful families, a couple from CCI and some from other agencies. I made forever friendships that I am honored to possess and I saw, trully saw, how much Sue loves our children and us.
I amused many Guatemalans with my poor Spanish...okay, the truth is, I have no spanish! And had the oppertunity of being the minority (A valuable lesson for us all.) I grew to know mine and Betsy's toilets a bit better than I'd hoped: ) and say God's "little miracles" every day.
What God taught me in Gautemala:
To not be afraid. I am now free from fear of failure and self doubt! To stop reading so much and worrying about it! Sue can do that for me! :) Seriously though, Sue is keeping up with all of this, and I trust God to equip her for the task! I trust her to keep me informed. To let go. The house doesn't have to always be clean (you should have seen my hotel room.) You don't have to be involved in everything. Sometimes its more important to stop and PLAY! That peace and sadness are possible at the same time and that the peace tempers the sadness. That peace is available if you're willing to accept it.
Call me Pollyanna but while in Guatemala-praying like I never have before (listening more-talking less) God gave me PEACE! Isabella Faye is coming home! I don't know when but I know how-through the power of Jesus Christ!
Don't get me wrong, I am in pain...deep, dark pain-becuase I miss my daughter more than words can say. I think of her every moment. I am greiving her absense...raw, honest, sobs from your belly grieving that she's not home...but I still have JOY dispite all the sadness. I have PEACE in the midst of the tears! My baby girl is real and perfect and loved and she will be home-through the power of our real and soverign Lord.
A little lost in the wonder of it all... joy and sadness, grief and peace.
This visit has changed me. I am not the woman I was before. I am stonger-more couragous! I am the MOTHER to the child of my dreams and I am the DAUGHTER of our perfect Father God...and He has made my family complete!
+of+005.JPG)
.jpg)
1 comment:
What an amazing post. Yes, the journey to adoption changes our hearts and deepens our appreciation of being adopted into His family! Praying for your process.
Blessings,
Amy
CCI Family
Post a Comment