I love Ice Cream!!!

Valentine's Day!

For Valentine's Day IF got a heart-shaped box of Play-Doh...fun and tasty!! We are trying to teach her not to eat it!

The Zoo!!!

With the high in Nashville on Monday 77, Aunt K and I decided to take the kids to the zoo.

We had the best time! I often had a lump in my throat and had to fight tears of joy and relief. I kept thinking about all the times I we had gone to the zoo or done something else fun in the 15 months we waited for IF. We would always talk about her and plan for the day she would be home, but the pain of missing her and not being able to share our fun with her was terrible for not just me but Aunt K and the boys. They spent those 15 months sadly waiting and praying too! I praised God continuously that day, thanking him that I was pushing my squealing daughter around that zoo! She loved it! Her favorite animals were the meerkats and she came home with a stuffed one who she named "me-kitty." His poor fur is usually damp and matted from her kisses...but he is well loved!

Party Bag!

BFF Alex celebrated his 2nd birthday this weekend. It was too cold for IF to travel after her sickness and the weather was a little unpredictable so we had to miss the party. We were very sad but will be going to visit very soon, baring gifts and cake and we will have our very own celebration!

Aunt Betsy mailed IF's party bag. Here are some pictures of her happily devouring the candy that Aunt Betsy packed!

Ice and no power...and introducing Aunt K!!

Last week we had a terrible ice storm and we were out of power for a day. Thank God it wasn't any longer and we had a warm and fun place to stay with Aunt K and the boys!

Aunt K FINALLY allowed me to keep a picture of her. (Usually she makes be delete them!) She and Isabella Faye were enjoying a glass of V8!

We had a wonderful time at Aunt K's and I must admit were just a little disappointed when the power came back on at our house!!

Happy Anniversary!!

This past Sunday, February 1, marked the anniversary of the day I met Isabella Faye. What a wonderful day we had playing and celebrating. So many memories flooded my mind and heart. I have copied and pasted what I blogged upon returning home after that visit.

After marinating in the memories of the experience of my visit trip to Isabella Faye, I think I am ready now to share.
Meeting Isabella Faye for the first time was the most glorious, amazing, life changing moment. At first I was frozen. I just stood there, stunned. Then sweet Isabella Faye's understanding foster mother gave me a kind smile and a slight nod and I took my baby girl into my arms. I just stood there for a few moments, my eyes transfixed on her. I inhaled her smell, kissed her sweet chubby cheeks...more than once! and whispered "I'm your Mommy!" Oh the emotions! My heart, cold and cynical from months of waiting and worrying melted. My knees went week and I had to sit down! My heart had been aching, oh so aching since we were kicked out of PGN but now it was full! I was overwhelmed with love like I'd never known-peace that couldn't be explained-joy that would rival that of all the angels in Heaven singing praises! My daughter was real! No longer a picture! No longer a DVD-but flesh and blood in my arms.
When I got to the room sweet Isabella Faye, frightened from all the changes, began to cry. I did all the logistical stuff-changed her diaper, tried to feed her, gave her gas drops...then I called my husband. "Let me talk to her!" He said. So, I put the phone to her ear. So gently he talked to her, telling her how much her Mommy loved her-how much he loved her and so on. While they "talked" I prayed. I prayed that God would let Isabella Faye know how much I loved her. Then, right as I said AMEN, there came a knock at the door. It was my dear new friends and their precious children come to check on me. Midway through our conversation I realised someone was cooing. I looked around at the other babies, all smiling, not cooing, and then looked down to see my sweet girl, a smile on her face, and drool on her chin! And then she was mine and I was hers and the fun began!
I had the most incredible time playing with my baby girl and visiting with new friends Betsy Stevens and Alex, Lori and Ron Radosta and Rocco, Stacy and Mark Gabbard and Raelynn, Sue and her friend Kathy and so many other wonderful families, a couple from CCI and some from other agencies. I made forever friendships that I am honored to possess and I saw, truly saw, how much Sue loves our children and us.
I amused many Guatemalans with my poor Spanish...okay, the truth is, I have no Spanish! And had the opportunity of being the minority (A valuable lesson for us all.) I grew to know mine and Betsy's toilets a bit better than I'd hoped: ) and say God's "little miracles" every day.
What God taught me in Guatemala:
To not be afraid. I am now free from fear of failure and self doubt! To stop reading so much and worrying about it! Sue can do that for me! :) Seriously though, Sue is keeping up with all of this, and I trust God to equip her for the task! I trust her to keep me informed. To let go. The house doesn't have to always be clean (you should have seen my hotel room.) You don't have to be involved in everything. Sometimes its more important to stop and PLAY! That peace and sadness are possible at the same time and that the peace tempers the sadness. That peace is available if you're willing to accept it.
Call me Pollyanna but while in Guatemala-praying like I never have before (listening more-talking less) God gave me PEACE! Isabella Faye is coming home! I don't know when but I know how-through the power of Jesus Christ!
Don't get me wrong, I am in pain...deep, dark pain-because I miss my daughter more than words can say. I think of her every moment. I am grieving her absence...raw, honest, sobs from your belly grieving that she's not home...but I still have JOY dispute all the sadness. I have PEACE in the midst of the tears! My baby girl is real and perfect and loved and she will be home-through the power of our real and sovereign Lord.
A little lost in the wonder of it all... joy and sadness, grief and peace.
This visit has changed me. I am not the woman I was before. I am stronger-more courageous! I am the MOTHER to the child of my dreams and I am the DAUGHTER of our perfect Father God...and He has made my family complete!

There are no words to describe my love for Isabella Faye or my gratitude to our Great God for bringing her home. She is our joy and our dream come true. She is our reward. She is so funny and sweet and full of life and personality. I just love her more every day.

Here are pictures of me and her on our first meeting and now.

Feeling Better!

IF felt so much better yesterday!

Here are some pics of her playing.


eating Mommy and Daddy out of house and home!


serious coloring



cat hunting


Vaccuming my room

Reflecting...

I haven't had the chance to reflect on our hospital visit since we've been home. But now Isabella Faye is sleeping so I will take some time.

Seeing her so sick hurt me in a way I've never experienced. I prayed and asked God to take her pain and sickness and give it to me.

Soon after we were admitted to the hospital, He gave me sweet peace that IF was in good hands and that I could trust the staff that would be helping us to make her better. I trusted Him to trust them and He put in our path a stream of kind, smart professionals. From the sweet lady in radiology who said IF was the most beatiful baby she'd ever seen, to the nurses, aides, respitory therapists and our amazing pediatrician, IF was treated like she was the only patient in the hospital! I am so thankful for God's protection around us.

There was something else that I thought about, that I couldn't shake. It has consumed much of my thoughts since...I knew IF would get better, I mean there's always a chance you'll find something more, but I knew that she'd be okay. Even with that knowledge, seeing her poked and prodded and so sick, was gut-wrentching. How more hard then, for a parent of a child with cancer or another illness that the outcome is unknown. How does a parent of a child with a serious illness survive the days worrying about the nights? How do they not just scream and cry with thier child during a procedure? How does thier faith remain so strong? I have added to my prayers a prayer for all parents dealing with the serious illness of thier child. I poor out my heart to God for these brave folks and ask Him to give them perfect peace and supernatural strength.

While IF was in the hospital, we received a card from a Mom, whose son battled Lukemia. We received many cards and goodies but this one stopped me in my tracks. I had to sit down. This brave, strong Christian woman had taken the time to write to us, becuase she knew what we were going through. Our situation so little compared to hers, but the heart of a mother knew what another felt. I am honored to have been prayed for by this brave lady.

Please pray with me for all parents who's children are seriously ill.

IF's hospital stay

IF so sick...



sleeping on Daddy



My IV is out so I can roam.



Going home!!

Sweet girl was admitted to the hospital on Tuesday afternoon with RSV and pneumonia. She was very sick with a very high fever. It was a scary time early on but with the help of our AWESOME God-sent pediatrician and some amazing nurses, she was able to come home last night.

Check out Joshua's blog!

Check out Joshua's blog for a great slideshow of his and IF's visit!

ourjourneytojoshua.blogspot.com

Our fun visit!

Our friend's Kelly and Joshua, future husband and MIL, came to visit today. We had such a fun visit! Joshua is precious and adorable!! Isabella Faye loved playing with him and even shared many kisses!

I'm so thankful for the friendships I have made throughout this process.

Helping Mommy clean!

Fun with friends!

We had the great privilege of meeting up with Aunt Betsy and family on their way back home to Ohio from a holiday visit to Louisiana. You may remember Aunt Betsy and I met and became fast friends through our adoption agency and made two trips to Guatemala together to visit Isabella Faye and her some Alex. Betsy and I get together often by meeting half-way between our houses but it is rare that the whole families get to be together so it was wonderful to see her hubby "Uncle Scotty-boy" and her great other kids, twins Annie and Will.

As I road home from our visit the other night, I found myself again praising my great God. Finally, Betsy and I were together in the US with our precious Guatemalan gifts from God! It felt as though we were closing one chapter of the story of our lives and beginning to allow God to write a new one.

Some thoughts...

IF is sleeping and the house is mostly clean so I have a rare moment to not just post pictures but to share some of what I have been thinking and feeling over the last few weeks since IF has been home.

There were those times during IF's adoption process that we trully did wonder if she would ever come home. There was so much I kept to myself, not wanting to worry anyone-not wanting to bear the looks of doubt and pity. There were days that I literally fell to the floor in complete, utter hopelessness. I would scream and cry and beg the Lord to interviene until my voice went and a peice of my heart died.

There were days didn't want to get out of bed and nights that I feared sleep. I dreaded leaving the house becuase seeing other people out and about with thier children was almost too much to take.

I just can't describe the pain strongly enough.

But I surivived! With the strength of my Great God, I made it! With the loving help of friends, family and blog-readers, I was victories! Now, as I type and my beautiful little bundle of happiness and spunk sleeps on my couch with a slight smile on her chubby-cheeked face, I can smile and say that God brought me through a stronger, kinder, more patient person with an iron will and mended heart. He healed my brooken heart-restored my weary mind and everyday He works to help me shead the bitterness that I hold toward those responsible for our delays. Everyday, He fills my already over-flowing cup with more joy and more hope and more peace!

My miracle, my dream come true is home and safe and happy! And I am not the person I was when I started. I am stronger. My marriage is stronger. My relationships are tighter and healthier.

My calling in life, to me a wife and mother-is being fullfilled everyday.

There are struggles, ups and downs, but at the end of the day, as I rock my sweet girl to sleep, I just kiss her brow and praise my God with all my heart.

Thank you Lord for answering my prayers, for allowing me to be your little masterpiece Isabella Faye's Momma.

Happy Birthday Daddy!

Today is Hubby's birthday.

He is such a wonderful husband and amazing father. We love you so much John/Daddy! We thank God for you every day!

Happy Birthday!